i don’t seem to have photos of myself from early 2018 / yesterday i presented my work to strangers, met with a 3d modeler for a project, and played mario kart in vr at a friend’s birthday
still my pinned tweet from last new year’s eve and i’m devastated realizing how much further away from this i’ve become
the past stretch of weeks i’ve been bombarded by domestic tragedies and constantly nervous about finishing an overwhelming assignment over the holidays in order to enjoy the last day of the year and the first (to clean, take a nap, take care of my injured dog, and watch the new episode of run bts) in order to then have as much time as possible all the days of january to swim through what logistically difficult exhibitions entail for me
that state always in my mind a swamp
i am very lucky i’ve been able to have an art practice and have had good opportunities to exhibit my work since last year and that there will be until next year, i’m lucky i have the job that i have where i value the work and it mostly fits into my life, but i have to record how the difficulty for me just changed its body, i remember it was a wound that persistently widened and stung, and now the image is of everyday being pelted by rocks that collect and weigh in me, i’m the opposite of an empty shell, my nerves are absolutely fried
i have to start processing my disappointment about not having a solo or residency next year. i’ve been collecting my rejection emails and have gotten the most this year, which sucks, but it’s really because i applied to more things, which feels good when i think about it, and if i try to count, i know the quiet yeses outnumber the nos
when this slow, heavy, thorny thing ends – which i have to constantly remind myself will end – i look forward to holding itos’ hand, playing with pig and knowing again how he smells, watching burn the stage on the big screen with people i love, seeing certain exhibitions before they close, and even things i’m also very nervous about such as getting my implant replaced, having my very first studio visit with a gallery, and getting started on work for january’s show in melbourne 🌦🐟🌧
i enjoy habitica as a task/habit tracker app but i wish i had the mental space to really play it or the money to purchase gems and get rare pets. the red panda i’m raising is very cute though 🍄
